This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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