would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
