i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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