i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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