so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
