3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
