Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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