Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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