some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
