i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
