have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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