he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
