I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
