You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
