a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
