I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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