you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
