After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
