Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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