Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
