My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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