She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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