clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
