youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
