So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
