I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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