I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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