just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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