plz talk dirty to me
I wish I only lived at night.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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