Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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