sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
