I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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