Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
