how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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