i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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