i wish my penis had a tongue
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
