Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
