i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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