he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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