I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
