i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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