I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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