So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
