Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't turn off my feet"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
