why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
