Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize