I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
