I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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