Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
