i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
