walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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