I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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