I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
