Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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