I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
