Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize