Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
