oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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