Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
