Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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