now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
