If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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