i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
