It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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