ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
