I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
