Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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