I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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