I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
