i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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