the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
