you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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