Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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