Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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