Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?