please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything