I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no