In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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