Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas