Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
