Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.