the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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