Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize