Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
