Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
