So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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