I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
His nipple licking is glorious
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