There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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