the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
