you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
