Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
