Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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