two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm like, not good at living.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
