about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So apparently I’m into choking now
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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