Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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