Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
