dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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