drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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